


Are you single?

by Jadeile



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Asexual Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Asexual Character, Friendship, Humor, M/M, Swearing, pan-romantic Alastor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:15:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28410753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jadeile/pseuds/Jadeile
Summary: Tax benefit does technically count as a "friends with benefits" deal, right?
Relationships: Alastor/Husk (Hazbin Hotel)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 156





	Are you single?

**Author's Note:**

> If this looks familiar, it's because you might have read this in my writing blog before.

”Hey, Husker?”

Husk lowered the newspaper to glance at Alastor, who was currently sitting on the barstool next to him and nursing a glass of whiskey. “Hmm?”

Alastor whirled the liquor in the glass and looked at it for a moment, then gave Husk a curious look. “Are you single?”

...Fucking what? Husk stared at Alastor incredulously, trying to figure out what the hell that question was about. This was Alastor, so it was not likely flirting. But what the fuck else could it be? Was Alastor hoping to set him up with someone? What?

“Why the fuck are you asking me this?” he asked, giving up on trying to figure it out on his own.

Alastor's smirk widened and he shrugged. “It's just a simple question. So?”

Simple question his ass. There had to be some angle to this and Husk was somehow missing it. Was Alastor just messing with him?

Alastor sipped his drink and then set the glass down in order to steeple his fingers and give Husk an expectant look. Seriously, fuck this guy.

“Yes, I am”, Husk relented, and huffed. “You should be aware of this. It's not like you've seen me parading some broad or bloke around the town.”

Alastor laughed. “See? Was it really that hard to answer the question? It's almost like you don't trust me with this information.”

Husk growled, and blocked the view of the infuriating asshole with his newspaper. “It's almost like I don't trust you to not be full of bullshit is more like it, jackass.”

Alastor laughed again, and then went quiet. Husk peeked over the paper after a while, and saw that Alastor was back to swirling the whiskey and staring at it with an absent-minded smile.

Maybe it really had been just a simple question. Alastor was potentially just bored and his mind was wandering.

Husk sighed quietly and folded the paper down, now completely unable to concentrate on it.

“Hey Al?”

Alastor looked at him with an inquiring expression.

“Are you single?”

Alastor blinked a couple of times, and then laughed in a delighted manner. “Oh, how nice of you to reciprocate! Yes, I am.”

Husk smirked. “Figures. Are you actually into anyone at all? I don't mean specifically, but generally. Guys? Gals? Whatever else there is nowadays?”

Alastor put the whiskey glass down again and gave his full attention to the conversation. “Not really, no. I'm not completely against the idea of having a sweetheart of any gender, but I also don't much see the point of it. I'm not interested in the physical side of things and that's unfortunately something that everyone else seems to value above all else.”

That was actually a much more elaborate an answer than Husk had expected. Now, he had known about Alastor's issues with all things sex, which is why he had asked about his general interests in the first place, but the fact that Alastor was theoretically interested in the other aspects of a relationship was new information. And any gender, huh?

...The stupidest fucking idea entered his head, and for some reason he decided to run with it.

“How about we get married?” Husk asked, and then chuckled at Alastor's fucking radio screech equivalent of a spit-take. “No, I'm serious. Then you can just wear a wedding band and tell people you're married if they hit on you and don't seem to take the hint. That's usually effective. I won't expect anything from you because of it. I don't actually give much of a shit either. I'm too old and jaded to go around fucking people, so this suits me fine. And there's the tax benefits, I suppose.”

Alastor took a good while to think about it, but eventually...

\-----

“And that's how we got married, bitches”, Husk concluded, and took a long drink from his beer tankard. Alastor nodded, looped an arm around his shoulders, and leaned his head to gently touch Husk's.

Angel Dust stared with his jaw practically on the floor. His eyes were bugging out.

Charlie squeed and jostled Vaggie in excitement. Vaggie's eyes were blank and she looked like nobody was home.

Niffty knocked back her glass of sherry and held the glass out for more.

This is why Husk fucking loved sharing this story.


End file.
